i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
