When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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