Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
