I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize