my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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