wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
