i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
