I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
