I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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