If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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