Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
