But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Randomize
