why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize