do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
