no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize