When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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