So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
