I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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