marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
