Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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