oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
