I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
