Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
