Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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