pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
