Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
