Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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