You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
