she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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