Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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