Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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