Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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