apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
