Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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