he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
