I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
