I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
