I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have aggressive nipples.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
