He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
