I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
