So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
