Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
