Me too!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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