Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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