you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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