So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
