There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
