Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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