I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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