found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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