some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
