Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
