I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
