Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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