Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
