If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
