Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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