She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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