What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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