you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize