Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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