I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
