You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
