All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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