Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
