I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
