Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
