remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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