My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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